|
Chapter
One
Be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect…. Mt 5:48.
What does perfect mean? Gosh I have spent years thinking
perfection is being precise and exact. Somehow, I have struggled
with that definition especially when I look at my life and see
the times I have missed the mark – the times that I am less then
perfect. Every time I think of how I have not followed or have
not kept my baptismal promises to walk with the Lord God I get
overwhelmed that I am beyond forgiveness. Heck, I have been to
confession and it seems to me that I am confessing the same
mistakes and even more importantly breaking the vow of not
sinning and avoiding the near occasion of sin. I am troubled
that I simply cannot stay on the path of perfection.
Recently, I decided why not pick up the dictionary and see what
Webster has to say about perfection. I wanted to look up the
root meaning of the word. Perfect comes from the French word
Perfacre which means to make or to do. To do strikes a good note
with me…to do just as your Heavenly Father would do. Better yet,
do the will of the Heavenly Father! Therefore, perfection is
nothing more then to do. Okay I can live with that. No longer do
I feel that if I miss the boat or the mark I have stained my
chances of being perfect. It is okay not to be perfect.
The Lord has never asked us to be perfect. All these years I
have been thinking that the Lord wants us to be perfect in the
sense of exactness when in fact He is asking me to do the will
of the Father. The Lord knows that we humans are imperfect and
if we are imperfect how can we become perfect in this world?
Simply incompatible! What is compatible is that I and we do the
will of the Father. Putting it another way the will of the
Father is to follow and or imitate His Son. Yes imitate the way
Jesus lived during his public ministry some two thousand years
ago.
I
am not sure what is going on. I don’t know why my soul and heart
feels so agitated. Although I have rationalized the meaning of
perfection, I still have feelings of emptiness.
It is funny the emptiness is a double-edged sword. In the midst
of my feelings of emptiness, I still find plenty of joy. I crave
for more and more solitude… at times I can hardly wait to come
back from work and walk into my room and enter the mystery, awe
and delicate sweetness of cold silence and emptiness. The bare
silence gives me strength of character. Yet at the same time it
reminds me of the dreams neither yet realized nor fulfilled.
Solitude has allowed me to discover the cold hard truth about my
life. I think that is why I hunger for more silence and
solitude. Solitude has brought me face to face with Jesus.
If I am going to imitate Jesus’ life, I must know how He lived.
I must listen and digest His words. What was His teaching and
ministry all about? What did Jesus do for us for both you and
me? Jesus lived a life of service – service to both the Father
and humanity. He preached service, love, forgiveness and He gave
His life for us. He died on the cross so that we may live. Our
sins have been forgiven through His death on the wooden cross.
Throughout the Gospels, Jesus gives us plenty of examples of how
we should live. One of those examples strikes a cord with me. In
fact, it again ties back the Gospel word of perfection. In
Matthew 19:21 Jesus tells us "If you wish to be perfect go sell
what you have…. give to the poor…and come follow me." The will
of the father is that I give to the poor and by doing that I
will be following Jesus. It is in giving that we become
Christians. During the Last Supper Jesus gives a new commandment
- we are to love our neighbors and live a life of service.
Not only should I give to the poor but also I am to empty out of
my very existence every external thing that hinders me from
meeting and encountering the Holy Spirit that lives within my
soul. I am called to feed my poor inner most core of my being
which is the soul. I have neglected to pay attention to my
soul. My soul is poor. I am called to feed and satisfy the
hunger that lurks within my soul. How did Jesus feed his soul?
Jesus is the Word, the Logos – the everlasting nourishment that
my soul needs.
John 13:15, 14:6,18 tells us, "I have given you an example that
you should do as I have done to you…. I am the Way, Truth, and
Life…if a man loves Me he will keep My Word and my Father will
love him. Perfection is then nothing more then doing the will
of the Father. The will of the Father is that we love our
neighbors. Christ tells us that throughout the Gospel. By
following Jesus, we become holy or different and set apart from
the world. By digesting The Word, we become holy.
Perfection is doing and doing is holy!
Chapter
Two
Be holy
for I the Lord your God are holy! (Lv 19:2)
Words have meaning. When in the chilly and stark naked silence I
mediate on the Gospel Words I become holy. Digesting and
mediating on the Word allows me to become Holy. The word holy
means to be set apart. When the Word unites with my soul, I have
traveled away from the temporal world. I am here yet apart from
this world. My being soars to heaven and is united with the
Creator. Although the Lord knows everything about me, I still
want to share thoughts and feelings with Him. I want to listen
to what He has to say. I want to savor this eternal moment. I
find myself secure with the unfading and eternal Love.
The Holy Spirit is so close. The Spirit lives within my soul.
When I feed my hungry being with the Word, my heart and soul
soar to the beautiful place called Heaven. Time is somehow
suspended. I am lost with other fellow wanderers who are just
visiting heaven. We all temporarily become part of the living
and eternal heaven. How could that be? How could that be when I
am in Korea? How could it be when my fellow traveling pilgrims
are walking to work or making breakfast for their families? We
are all here but not really!
The cares of this world are lost – pain is no more then a fading
memory. The sunlight and bright light of the heavenly kingdom
heals my broken and fragile heart. I want to stay here forever!
The stormy, thunder some, war like clouds along with the over
sized baggage that have weighed me down are torn aside
violently, and pushed away by the bright and victorious light of
the Kingdom of God. Jesus lives brightly within my soul. I can
sing glory to God in the Highest. The victory of the cross is
absolute and complete!
Nevertheless, Lord, I still labor on the meaning of your word.
Indeed I must confess, although I have read the Gospel many
times over, I still do not know the Word. How many times I
thought I knew my friends but really did not know them until I
listened to them. Just the same, I have not allowed your Word to
sink, take root, and mature within my inner most being. Is this
why I hunger for more solitude? Whatever the reason may be; I do
not care! I just want to be.
I
want to be carefree. All I want - is to be with the Lord. I
have tasted the sweetness of Heaven. I am drunk on your word! I
lust for the peaceful bliss of silence. I want to lose myself
and thereby find the Lord in the stillness and silence of my
heart and soul.
In my anguish I cry, what is happening to me? The words of the
gospel keep tossing and ringing inside my head. I am the Way,
Truth, and Life…if a man loves Me he will keep My Word and my
Father will love him.
Ooh how I long to remain in this solitude and not leave my
silent communion with the Lord and author of Life.
Chapter
Three
Holy,
Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty...for you created all
things (Rev:4 8-11)
The
Lord reminds me and breathes into my soul that He is the author
of Life. The Lord gives me the strength to preserve – the power
to stay the course that leads to Him.
My
heart is in pieces…. I have no reason to hope except to believe
in Christ Jesus’ promise of life everlasting. It is funny how
even that promise is not heart felt…I have lost all feelings – I
am completely numb! Feelings of joy and exhilaration have long
been absent. I don’t know how to love anymore. I have lost my
way. I just have fading memories of love and acceptance – I
want to hold on to the last crumbs of this wonderful memory.
Good-bye is not an option – I cannot say good-bye to the remnant
memories of love and acceptance.
Lord,
will you help me to remember what love is? Brighten my heart
and soul by showering me with your Love. Show and lead me to
love again. Whisper into my soul the gentle words that will
allow me to keep giving of myself to others. St. Paul says: “I
consider all things rubbish“– I want to keep giving of myself
even though I am taken for granted…. even though I am rejected
because people are afraid to share. All I want is to love the
way You did…. stay with me Lord – stay with me Lord!
We live
in a painful world; a world filled with selflessness. Ooh how
I want to escape away from this mad world. I have given all I
could give – I have encountered too many rejections. My one and
only remaining anchor which remains untouched and intact is the
Lord’s love for me. Christ Jesus is my anchor. Christ leads me
to immortality and to the everlasting world of joy and
happiness. In the mean time, Lord, lead and show me how to
love.
Root
out my numbness. I trust in You absolutely and completely.
Everything that I am and everything that I ever will be is
because of You. Somehow, before time was - you created me in
love and in love I will continue to be your child! I am part of
you. Yet it seems we are so far from each other. I pray that
by sharing of myself in the stillness and silence of my heart; I
will find my way to the home you have created for me.
The
Lord is the author of all creation - Lord give me the strength
to trust your everlasting promise of hope and love.
Chapter Four
Trust in the everlasting promise of hope and love.
He has given
us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of
Jesus Christ….although you have not seen him you love him; and
rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy. (Peter 1:3,8).
Lord
I do trust in your promise of everlasting hope and love. What
joy my heart feels knowing that by placing my trust and hope in
your love my soul is being filled with an indescribable and
glorious joy.
These
past two months you have heard my prayer and my heartfelt
pleas. My heart and soul are being brightened with your Love.
You have gently whispered words of hope and everlasting love
into my heart. Such indescribable joy – you lift my soul to the
heavens. My soul is riding high on the beautiful and lofty
clouds of eternity.
My
numbness has been rooted out because you have gently led me to
give of myself to others. Thank you Lord for showing me how to
love. You are indeed a loving God – a God that is with us
through all of life.
You
have led me to minister to others – by ministering to others my
heart has recognized and seen you hidden in the very depth of
the heart and soul of the people that you have led me to
minister to. My heart is singing with joy and praises –
praises that sing your faithfulness and love for us.
My
dear friends in Christ – are your heart and soul filled with
indescribable joy? Or does your heart feel numb? Whatever the
case may be – know and trust the Lord’s promise of eternal joy.
Allow your heart to remain steadfast to the anchor of life – a
life hidden in Christ Jesus.
The
hidden life in Christ Jesus gives us the opportunity to minister
and recognize Jesus in others. It is by giving and listening to
the needs of the people that surround us will bring our hearts
and soul an indescribable joy – a joy that is rooted in Christ
Jesus.
We
are called to trust in the everlasting promise of hope and love.
Chapter Five
I
thirst - everlasting manna that comes through prayer and
fellowship
Luke 9:61-62
I will follow you....but
first let me say farewell to family.....no one who sets a hand
on the plow looks to what was left behind
I say
and we say that our hearts find joy and hope in the everlasting
love of Christ Jesus. Have you ever found yourself regressing
in our fidelity to that very promise of everlasting faith, hope,
and love?
I
some times find myself looking back and peeking over my
shoulder? Why is that? What prompts me to look back?
Jesus
tells us that once we place our hand on the plow there is no
turning back. Ever try to hold your hand in the air - sooner or
later our muscles get tired. I think sometimes our hands gets
tired by holding onto the plow. Ministering and proclaiming
the word in our daily lives is tiring. When I minister to
others I am giving myself to others. It is in that very giving
that I am physically and emotionally drained.
How
can I - how can we sustain our very ministry? My soul and heart
are reminded to the central and eternal ministry of the
Eucharist. Christ tells us about the manna from heaven – a
manna that will nourish us and sustain us.
My
heart races to another image – the disciples gathering in the
upper room. The disciples must have been tired and worn out
from the events that led to Christ Jesus’ Calvary.
In
the midst of their weariness – Christ Jesus sustained and
invigorated their being. Strength, hope, and love were poured
out to them by the Holy Spirit and by their ministry of prayer.
In praying for each other they received strength – strength from
the Holy Spirit.
In
their fellowship the disciples of the upper room were able to
look ahead and keep their hands on the plow – the plow of life,
hope, joy, and love. |
